Wednesday, 5 November 2014

... of News

In the name of Allah the most gracious and merciful.

Dua topik utama 'berita' yang aku terima this past few weeks: 1) a few people pass away 2)my friends PhD graduation/thesis submission.

news 1. This pass few weeks banyak betul berita someone I know pass away or losing their love ones. One of them is my junior who lost her battle to cancer. yesterday, one of my friend loss her father, few weeks back my best-friend's grandmother pass away, and last week a friend of mine here in Kg. L. lost his father also due to cancer.

There are not many muslims here in Kg. L. When death occur, of course I'm a bit panic. How are we going to manage the jenazah? Mandi, kafan etc. Yes I have learn them in school. But if  we are in Malaysia it'll be a bit different. But here in Oz? Mana nak cari kain kafan? kat mana nak mandi jenazah? kubur macam mana pulak? Lots of things run through my mind at that time. This incident is indeed a wake up call for our community here (well I hope so!).

But Alhamdulillah, Allah have make ease. Everything went smooth. I learn lots of thing. A lot! Knowledge that can't be learn from books. I see a different side of few of my friends and people here. The experience was invaluable. 

Nevertheless, receiving too much 'death news' this few weeks indeed saddens me. Being a 'thinker', I can't help to think lots of stuff. What happens if I die here? etc... Masa kita juga akan tiba. Bila fikir betapa unprepared nya aku....  Semoga nyawa kita dicabut dalam keadaan kita mengingati Dia.

news 2. My FB feed is full of graduation and thesis pictures. Not forgetting instagram! From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly happy for my friends who have graduated or have submitted their PhD thesis. They motivate me. Aku pun nak pakai jubah Harry Potter dengan topi leper tu jugak! InsyaAllah I'm trying and doing my best. Indeed my journey have been wild! Full of ups and downs. At times I do feel down and starts asking myself what am I actually doing but remembering the reward at the end of the tunnel, I just keep moving. The reward? Seeing Papa's smile when I stand on stage at Albert Hall and fulfilling my promise to Mama.

More or less I have about 10 months left. Ok...takut!

Mixed feelings. Scared, happy, tired, stress and also sad. Sad because I just have about 10 months left in Tas. A part of me wants to go back, be with my family and of course berkhidmat untuk agama dan negara! patriotik tak aku? but a part of me wants to stay here... Entahlah. Aku sendiri keliru dan tak faham. Benar benar tak faham. I'm scared and sad both at the same time bila aku fikir yang aku akan tinggalkan Kg. L. What I can say now is that I am not looking forward to go back to TGG. hmmm.

I need to focus now. Whatever it is, I must first end this journey gloriously! may He give me strength and courage.

My Game plan:

Usaha Luar Biasa + Doa tanpa jemu + Tawakkal = Glorious PhD!

'Dan orang-orang yang berusaha dengan bersungguh-sungguh kerana memenuhi kehendak ugama Kami, sesungguhnya Kami akan memimpin mereka ke jalan-jalan Kami (yang menjadikan mereka bergembira serta beroleh keredaan); dan sesungguhnya (pertolongan dan bantuan) Allah adalah berserta orang-orang yang berusaha membaiki amalannya. ' |Al-Ankabut : 69|

When the time comes... Allah knows best.

Sunday, 26 October 2014

... of Relationship

In the name of Allah the most gracious and merciful.

Being a single guy in his 30.... in my culture.. is NEVER easy. But I guess it's not as bad as being a girl though. Nevertheless the pressure and stress is there.

Pada waktu semua rakan sebaya sibuk berbicara isu nak beli rumah, isu anak anak... here I am.. masih bergelar penuntut. Tanpa komitmen kecuali komitmen sebagai hambaNya dan sebagai seorang anak.

After a year out of my 9 years relationship, the pressure built up I guess to settle down. Tengok kawan kawan semua dengan pasangan and here I am alone. I do feel a bit lonely sometime but there are also times where I am glad I am a single guy.

Learning from the past. I do want to do it the right way. 'It' here means marriage. And the right way is the Islamic way. I want to find someone that can be besides me towards jannah. Hence I am being very careful to choose a partner. But things can get a bit tricky. I am not looking for a perfect one since I am not perfect myself. And truth be told aku masih fobia dari insiden dulu. How I hope others understand how I feel now. Penat untuk menjawab segala soalan cliche'.

I mean I am open if people asked me about the incident but I'm just tired bila ramai tanya so now bila nak kahwin? Dah ada girlfriend? Plus bila kadang kala manusia melihat aku baik atau even bercakap dengan mana mana wanita ha mulalah 'nak ngorat leteww' or even aku like gambar di FB pun salah. Oh susahnya!

As a human, it is fitrah to fall in love, to be in love. But we must control it (Nouman Khan). In my journey to find my zaujah... what I can say now is... I'm still disappointed. There are many that looks like a diamond in the outside but's just glass. Aku bukan cerewet mahupun hati keras. As I said, I am not a diamond my self but entahla. Susah nak explain. Sangat susah nak explain hati ini.

To be honest, aku ada sedikit takut  untuk berada dalam satu perhubungan. Relationship changes people. Sometimes in a good way but sometimes the opposite. Aku rasa disini pentingnya untuk perhubungan berlandaskan ajaran Islam. But a relationship still will change our life. Well at least that is how I feel.

Bila tengok sahabat sahabat dalam perhubungan yang bahagia di atas jalan Dia. Aku gembira. Sangat gembira. Aku sangat sayang sahabat-sahabat aku. But... at the same time I do feel a bit sad. I feel that I'm loosing them. Sudah tentu aku sangat hormat komitmen mereka and jujurnya sahabat-sahabat aku tidak berubah. Mereka masih seperti dulu. A person that will definitely stood by my side at any time. Cuma sekarang mereka ada komitmen. Jadi masa aku dengan mereka agak kurang. Cara kami berbual, topik juga berubah. I guess since I am the only single guy left so maybe tu yang buat aku rasa macam tu.

See the pressure... heh heh.

I guess there are lots of people out there who wants a relationship with Jannah as the main goal. Cuma aku masih khuatir tentang diri aku yang banyak kelemahan ini. Based from what I see, ramai akhi dan ukti berada dalam hubungan yang katanya 'berlandaskan' ajaran Islam. Ibarat lagu lagu nasyid dari InTeam mahupun UNIC persisnya. But syaitan is there. And he wants to destroy our Iman. Recently I watched a video about 'zina hati'. Bagaimana seorang akhi dan ukhti hampir tewas. Katanya sayang kerana Dia. Entahlah. Life is not a drama kan. Mungkin aku yang terlalu terpengaruh dengan benda benda ini dan buku buku karya FS.

Aku cuma fobia. Dengan apa yang telah aku lalui. Sakitnya Allah yang tahu. Aku rasa bodoh. So I guess I really want this time to be according to the teaching of Islam. But orang dengan Iman yang lemah seperit aku ni..hmmm mampukah? That's the question.

Anyway my main goal now is to finish my studies. About 10 months left. If I want to get married, than it just have to wait after I get my 'ultimate' scroll I guess.

Aku mahu berkahwin dan mahu cari pasangan. Tapi bukan atas dasar tekanan mahupun paksaan. And I want to do it the right way. Aku serah soal jodoh pada Dia. He knows best. And in the mean time.. moga Dia beri aku kesabaran untuk hadap tekanan dan persoalan dunia ini. And may he guide me on the right path. May He protect me, my family and my sahabats.

'Dan juga mereka (yang diredhai Allah itu ialah orang-orang) yang berdoa dengan berkata: "Wahai Tuhan kami, berilah kami beroleh dari isteri-isteri dan zuriat keturunan kami: perkara-perkara yang menyukakan hati melihatnya, dan jadikanlah kami imam ikutan bagi orang-orang yang (mahu) bertaqwa.' |Al-Furqan : 74|

Allahumma Amin.

Luke H. | 261014

Tuesday, 21 October 2014


In the name of Allah the most gracious and merciful. 

After a long hiatus, I decided to start again. Fresh. Laying low this time. This blog will be a place where (I hope) I can 'release' stuff on my mind.  I hope I'll find some time to write and I'll try not to abandon this blog InsyaAllah. 

May Allah protect me. 

All good things are from Allah and bad thing are from me and satan.

Luke H. | 211014